THE CLUB IS
NOW OPEN FOR NEW MEMBERSHIP. THE CLUB HAS TWO SECTIONS AVAILABLE
FOR MEMBERSHIP, BOWLING MEMBER AND ASSOCIATE MEMBERSHIP FOR BOTH
LADIES AND GENTS. THE CRITERIA FOR BOTH OF THESE MEMBERSHIPS IS
TO BE THICK SKINNED AND HAVE A RIGHT GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR.
The
committee, and members, of the club would like to thank everyone
who turned up for the three events that were held over the
festive period. During these events some fund raising was done
and we managed to raise £657 for St. Vincents Hospice.
Well done to
Stevie and Tommy Kerr for ripping out the insides of the bowls
hoose. Work will start shortly on the new floor and then the
walls and electrics and then the new lockers. Seems that the
club treasurer Stephen McShane told them that there was buried
treasure under the floorboards.
Baw Heed The Mini Edge

It would appear that David Mini Edge Moran has
now been pumped by Claire's mum Liz, this happened in front of
Edge himself. Wee Davie seemingly got an absolute humping from
Liz at ten pin bowling. Things were going really well but the
wean has spat the dummy oot and cant wait to get home, things
were seemingly so bad that he phoned his dad trying to book an
earlier flight. He was so embarrassed that his face was as red
as his hair.
The club are also looking at
putting a new covered building over the green which would
provide the members with virtually year round bowling but the
debate is to keep grass or put down a different type of surface.
With the state of the Scottish weather I think this would be a
good idea. The structure can be put away when the sun is out.
The structure is inflatable. Seen here covering some tennis
courts.

A woman
answers the door to a market researcher.
"Good morning madam, I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Do
you use it at
all in your household?"
"Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts, grazes and
burns."
"Do you use it for anything else?"
"Like what?"
"Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. sex."
"Oh, of course. Yes, we smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep
the kids
out."